Sustainable Relationships – Getting Past the “Us” and “Them” in conflict and the “othering” of others and self within it, 21 Mar

Have you ever noticed that any kind of conflict begins with a small but very important perception and language shift in that we stop seeing the other party as simply Another person but An “Other” type of person? Something different to what “we” are in terms of everything from needs, perceptions, beliefs, values, truth, identity, reality and even facts.

Some kind of gap or difference occurs and within that gap the othering of others begins and the differences between us and them become more and more pronounced and over time the primary focus of the relationships – i.e. the things that divide us become more important that the things that unite us.

No wonder we have the expression – divide and rule.

But where is the higher principle of unite and share? Lost in the us versus them of things perhaps?

This othering of others is used pretty much in every war as a justification for the conflict as we can see only too well in the world now as history repeats itself in predictable, well-trodden, and very sad and painful ways.  But if it is predictable, why do we keep falling into the same traps where conflict is concerned?

Somehow, somewhere we make the shift from the big picture macrocosm view that we are one tribe of humanity sharing a fragile yet miraculous reality on Spaceship Earth to the microcosm view that this relationship isn’t working and in conflict because you are different to me. And it’s not my fault but yours as you are one of the tribe of “others”.

And in the othering of others, we are also othering ourselves without even knowing it.  No wonder we end up being confused, uncertain, lost, unhappy, alienated, stressed, and damaged to one degree or another.

This is what happens when relationships and people within them become commoditised and quantified in terms of being based on extracting from them what we think we want or need rather than focusing on the processes that make them warm, kind, mutually sustaining, supportive and generative.

In this free Zoom webinar we shall be exploring some simple yet powerful and effective shifts in perception, mindset and action that can change the process from “othering” to those of win / win when we focus on we before me.

I before e except after c, you before me except after we!  

It is not required, but it might help prepare for the Webinar by listening to Pink Floyd’s Us and Them from Dark Side of the Moon released in 1973. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_Yayz5o-l0

“With, without. And who’ll deny it’s what the fighting’s all about?”

And 

“Haven’t you heard it’s a battle of words, the Poster Bearer cried.”

Quite. 

Amazing how the lyrics of a song released 49 years ago resonate so strongly to events today and the content of this webinar.

And unless we begin to focus on making the many relationships we find ourselves in truly sustainable we could all end up on the Dark Side of the Moon!

This webinar forms part of a series on Sustainable Relationships and Resolving Conflict but it is not necessary to have attended any previous Webinars as they are designed as stand-alone events.

Facilitator: Tony Kearney

Tony grew up in New Zealand where he trained as a solicitor. He then worked as a solicitor in London for over 20 years before moving to Ireland in 2006 to further his work around building sustainable relations into the future. This includes planting a forest on the farm where he now lives and acting as a Mediator in workplace, community, schools, family, and commercial disputes. Tony is also a skilled facilitator and trainer and runs many training and other events and is the author of five books. 

It is not necessary to have attended any of the previous webinars to join the process as they are all designed as stand-alone events.

To register for this webinar or find out more email Tony at: tony.kearney6@gmail.com